I love you, so get your knickers off!
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OK, my title is a little over the top.. but I'm a little hacked off with the way I am treated. Lets just get a few things clear..
Yes I am female and feminine. I dont dress like i am going to stand on a street corner and charge by the hour, but yet I am looked upon by a lot of men as an object. I'm not sure why as i don't feel i do anything to provoke it, but at the moment I am tired of being treated as such.
The perfect example of my frustration is my bloke. He says he loves me, but the only time he comes near me is when he wants to have a bit of the other. I'm never overly impressed with this, as a little romance goes a long way. I have never had a man romance me, or buy me expensive gifts or spoil me in anyway. I don't get any special treatment or given any tokens of love. I'm not bothered about the expensive gifts as a lot of stuff is materialistic and means nothing, but a little something could go far. Why is it i managed to pick the only man in the country who isn't romantic and has no intentions of marrying me?! Its just bloody unfair!
Anyway, its not just my bloke who is like this. My ex was the same. I am female so my duty is in the bedroom department. Previous to my ex, i had men desperate to take my virginity. Are the men of this world obsessed with sex or what??? What about all the other things?
So i have a question i would love to be answered.
Can a man love a woman without a sexual relationship? I don't mean as a sister or friend, i mean together as a couple. You may think the question is pointless as you get into a relationship for the sex part too, but for some reason its all I'm ever chased for and i want to know if there is a man out there who respects a woman enough to think more about her than just laying on her back.
No man i have ever known has ever given me respect. Personally this is i making me very anti male. Not that I'm going to stop fancying men, but i am angry at being treated like shit like all the male species.
A bloke who is at the local garage said he would have casual sex, but not a relationship with me. A male friend of the family offered me £50 for sex. I come online and I'm harassed by men wanting to meet up for casual sex, even people on face book who i went to school with wanting sex. What is it with the men in the world who are sex mad? Have they no respect for women? I don't encourage it, i don't talk about sex, but yet i seem to have become some object for using.. like a sponge you use to wipe your arse with when your having a shower.
So when women who chase men are after sex, that's their choice. Not mine. I am not one of those women. I want real love and real romance. I want a man to appreciate me for who i am not what i have. I want a man who looks at me and not sees a woman but also someone with a bit upstairs. I'm not interested in being shagged left right and centre by loads of different men nor am i interested in shagging anyone for a one night stand. I was told by a friend of mine many years ago, once you have sex once, you will always want it... yeah, i get horny yes i do want sex, but i don't want to be treated like a prostitute or like an object any more.
So, is there a man out there who doesn't treat women like shit?
And then there is love.
Does having sex make a man love a woman more? I think in some cases it does. You must of heard someone in the throes of passion declare their love for you? I'm sure the lust part takes over ones brain, but love certainly isn't all its cracked up to be. I always thought being in love with someone not only meant you made love, and had romance but you also had respect. I seem to be lacking in a few things in my life.
Respect is a big issue with me and men. My ex used me as his verbal and physical punch bag,said he loved me but no respect there. The other men i have had encounters with wanted sex but no ties so no respect there too. And my bloke now wants sex, says he loves me but.. no respect.
Pah, maybe i shouldn't care. Maybe i should just behave like the male species and just not bother worrying about it... and maybe my search to see if there is a decent male out there is a waste of time.
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men in general think to show love is to have sex with her... women on the other hand show love through emotion, sex is a bones if she feels like it...
Does what I just wrote make sense...
It makes a lot of sense! Also a man who has sex with his partner feels loved.. Male logic is odd! :P
Hi,
I am a tarot reader and I really understand what you are saying.
Somethings that I would like to highlight... Males are programmed to think about sex and chase women. It is genetic. The curve of the woman's body excite the male - hence you object feeling. But it is not their fault.
Controlling our emotions is part of maturing. Some men never mature. When they are young and attractive their maturity in love takes the back seat. It is more like exploitation. If this was not so, so many men would not throw their marriage away for a flirt and repent it.
Having said that, what you are looking for happens later in the life of men as a rule. Their appreciation of the finer things which includes replacing sex with sensuality only comes with time. Environment and education play a big part in this.
As for you, I think Anath above is right. You have to make your choice. Did you ever think that you keep picking the same type of men again and again. Think about how you pick your men. You may have a stereotype in your mind that you follow. Because one thing I know - there is a great variety in human beings. So if you are finding only one kind, you have gotten good at something you never wanted to excel in.
I am open to discuss. Sorry if I upset you in any way. I really wish you a great life.
Cheers
I suppose a quite one is out of the question then?
Sounds like you're wasting your time with English men who often have a competitive need to abuse a woman so they feel that they are somehow "winning". Try violence too. If a man doesn't respect you, slap his coupon. If he can't handle that then he's not worth it. You might find a good slap is all he needs to begin to understand your need for romance. It might help to swear a bit and tell him to get his effin act together.
I think there is definitely a connection between sex and love. Me are programmed differently and it's very hard for women to empathise with this. We are all dirty dogs, pre-programmed to spread seed! However, a man can love a woman in the same way he loves his brother or best friend. Companionship and friendship are forms of love! It's probably just that you haven't met the right guy yet!!
Love your hub by the way!
My dear, I really think you are finding the wrong kind of men. Men are insecure creatures so if they are walking upto you and being blunt about it, that is the kind of guy you should stay away from.
Just because you are alone does not necessarily mean you need to throw yourself around in the market. Yes, go out there but wait and observe a man before getting on with him, remember he can not treat you like an object unless you allow him.
From what I gather, your current relationship is draining the life and energy out of you. Do not let anyone treat you like an object.
Lastly, yes I believe a man and woman can have a 'love' relationship without sex.
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Anath 2 years ago
Hi, I have never been treated like that. I do not mean to be disrespectful but I think it is women who encourage that kind of attitude. Before you get upset with me, let me tell you that this is not a personal attack -I don't even know you- it is just my opinion on the topic.
I think women who respect themselves ispire respect in others. I am not talking about a way of dressing, I am talking about attitude. I believe I am worth of respect and even reverence and men treat me like that. They come to me with respect, they beg me to be my slaves. Why? I don't ask them. I imagine that it is just an attitude, I behave like I am their goddess and they treat me like that.
Find your power within yourself. You are a women, behaving like a man will not help you. There are plenty of decent men out there, do not give up ;-)